dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you never un-have a 4some
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
