i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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