So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
