See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
