I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
