Its about making memories worth repressing
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
