I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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