i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
