what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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