I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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