She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
