Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
