i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
