first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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