i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
