Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
