the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
