Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
