i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
