Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
