FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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