Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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