I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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