After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
