but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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