I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
