The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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