the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
