Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
