Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
