your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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