I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
