All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
