it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
