When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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