he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
