I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
