he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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