I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
