My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
