We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
