she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
