his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
