I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
