We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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