I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
