why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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