I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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