tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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