Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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